Thursday, January 8, 2009

Gimme Some Salt

So 2009 started off with a blog from Paul. He's full of surprises.

I have no idea if we have more than two faithful readers left after almost a year, but I suppose I'm still dedicated to writing... like those bands who play in bars where there are only seven or eight people sitting and drinking, and those people are either the band members' friends or they're people who might have preferred to be someplace else but randomly ended up on those bar stools or they were lazy and didn't want to drive too far or they're disappointed to find that this bar they once tried a year ago is not as happening as it was that one night but it would feel awkward to turn right around and walk out, and those people courtesy clap once in awhile, until they fear they look too eager and hope one of the other seven people claps for a change and bravely, or obliviously, risk that silence between songs that's broken occasionally if the bartender gets a phone call, and the band plays on, and I picture them dutifully practicing earlier in the week and I hope they're not getting paid based on admissions, no matter how good or bad they may be. I always feel for those musicians because that's the true nature of art: self-delusion that there is always an audience and indifference or defiance in the face of oblivion. Well, I guess I'll go with self-delusion. I'm not getting paid either way. And I'm not much of a singer.

Annnnnyway...

Our first visitor just left. He got here in mid-November and he's on his way back to the U.S. now. His name is Stanley. Flat Stanley. Our nephew Joseph had a school project involving sending a paper cut-out character to someone far away in order to learn about letter-writing and geography. The teacher had in mind places like Florida. Well, there's going to be one really cool (though jetlagged) Stanley in the class. I carried him with me almost everywhere for weeks and I tried to take photos that represent Hong Kong's unique characteristics. We thought we might do something adventurous for good photo opps in the time he was here, like visit the "Big Buddha" but with a lot of other activities going on, we didn't have time to take him beyond the local scenes. Hopefully he had some good times. Too bad he had to return just before Chinese New Year. Here's a sneak peak of Stanley in Hong Kong...



The Saturday after Paul's birthday we tried a restaurant that is literally a couple of doors away from us. We've been wanting to try it for awhile and it gets all sorts of praise and write-ups in major outlets like the New York Times and South China Morning Post, etc., as well as recently being awarded two Michelin stars. As I explained regarding my preliminary lack of enthusiasm for the restaurant choice for my birthday, not many places here seem to live up to the hype, which is why my birthday dinner was a pleasant surprise since we really enjoyed it. Alas, Paul's birthday dinner at Bo Innovation did not impress.

Sure, it was our doing in choosing the many-course chef's menu from which we knew there were some things we didn't like the sound of, but I figured, if we're giving "extreme Chinese cuisine" a try we should get the full experience. When the first small course arrived and I stated that I would be downing it "like a shot" Paul found it amusing (or something) that we were paying what we were to eat a meal as if we were contestants on Fear Factor.

Let me tell you about the thousand-year-old egg. It's an egg that has been preserved for several weeks or months, and yes, it looks like an old egg. I don't even eat solid egg yolks when they're yellow. I never have. They're near the top of my most dreaded foods list right under celery and mayonnaise (yeah, egg salad, deviled eggs - my worst nightmare). And there I was eating a black and brown egg in a candied ginger cone. Fortunately we started off with the egg and knew it couldn't get more intense than that. There were at least a dozen courses that followed, some pretty good, some just bizarre. It was mostly about presentation; they solidified some liquid ginger with a show of smoking liquid nitrogen at our table and that sort of thing. The only thing I had to leave was the thick blob of fois gras. I tried. At the conclusion, we both decided that it was an interesting meal. We also decided that interesting is not the word you most want to describe a meal. At least we tried. Below is a disturbingly accurate photo of the customary egg. We didn't make Stanley try it.



Saturday, January 3, 2009

Your Racist Friend

Merry Christmas!

Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas!

Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas!

Happy New Year!

I’m not over excited about the holidays that have recently past, it’s just strange that we had to move to a communist country for it to be socially acceptable to acknowledge the actual holiday we’re celebrating. So I’m just getting it out of my system while it doesn’t offend anybody and before we move back to the land of the free.

And though belated, you are getting the very special gift of back to back blogs. I believe Lisa did a good job summarizing our holiday Christmas and New Years activities (It takes some getting used to and please don’t take this the wrong way. I’m more than happy to join in any Chanukah, Kwanzaa or even Festivus celebrations, I just don’t believe we need to merge them. Interestingly enough Christmas marketing must play as strong a role in the East as well as in the West because for a country of primarily Buddhist and Taoist, Christmas was quite evident but I did not see one Menorah or Festivus pole - though I may have been considered a festive Pole).

One thing for sure between starting a new job and our suddenly very active social life I have met a lot of new people. One quick way of trying to remember everyone you meet, especially when it is person after person, is by the things we are never allowed to say out loud but make note of in our head. For example, sex – Nancy’s the pretty blond, race – David’s the black guy, nationality – Jeff’s the Korean guy, lazy eye Marie, bald Alex, etc.

Well these little politically incorrect tricks go out the window when 9 out of every 10 people you meet are Chinese. Hair and eye color become almost virtually useless as well. To make matters worse when you're a 6” 1”, 200lbs. white guy, with blue eyes and great hair in China everyone knows you by name before you even meet.

Of course in a line up I could pick out the girl in the ridiculously tight, extremely short dress that she was constantly pulling down from about her midriff all night New Years Eve that Lisa and her friends did not seem to like for some reason. But once again I bumped into a girl in our lobby the next morning that we were apparently hanging out with at the party and club and walked right by her. In my defense Lisa was with me and was just as clueless when she said hello.

After living here for a while you quickly learn to not assume that all Chinese people are local. I’d say at least half of the Chinese people I meet are from England, Australia or Canada (even though most that consider themselves Canadian end up having been born and raised in Hong Kong and then moved to Canada for their education and end up returning. Why Canada? No idea. And I’ve blatantly asked this question many times).

For those of you planning a visit (yes we’re still waiting) there are few tricks to picking out locals. First and foremost is that they will walk into you. That’s right, if you’re walking down a street and someone just seems to walk right into you for no apparent reason at all you’re most likely dealing with a local.

Why you may ask? Again, I have no idea. It is truly a phenomenon that needs to be experienced to be believed but it is very, very real. Ask any ex-pat about it and they will immediately go into a story. Just about every time you are out for a walk someone will bump into you. There are the ex-pats on their blackberries and cells that are hazardous on their own but the complete randomness of the local “dawdling,” as one person in our building referred to it, is quite an experience. Every trip out of the building involves an ever changing obstacle course.

If you see an elderly person there is a 94.6% chance they are looking at their shoes or staring at the sun and an 89.2% chance they are going to make a sudden stop or dart in another direction for no reason. You begin to develop a feel for this and passing these people is like passing a car on the highway in a snow storm that is doing 7mph and all over the road. You wait until they go far one way and make your move quickly.

Another sign that someone may be a local is something that might be considered rude or lazy back home but you grow accustomed to it once you are here awhile. Locals will not say thank you, or even acknowledge you for small acts of generosity. Most notably (and it seems to offend many ex-pats a great deal) is if you hold a door open for someone, they will just walk through. Personally I’m fine with this – in truth I think I prefer it.

However locals will also slide through a slightly ajar door so as not to have to push it themselves. Grown men will slow down so you will walk ahead and push the door open and then squeeze through like Indiana Jones sliding under a closing wall. This does annoy me at times and I’ve actually walked up to doors stopped and just started reading my blackberry refusing to open the door. This will get looks ranging form extreme confusion to outrage and people actually muttering what I am sure are Chinese curses as they tug the door open for themselves.

A final trait of the locals which can not be so easily picked out is a strong sense of superstition. Feng shui is basically a religion here and people spend a fortune on following its rules. There is an office building a few blocks from us that is supposed to look like two pandas climbing trees when seen from the peak of the island. The large claw like structures on top of the IFC building in Lisa's photos are suppose to be panda claws. There is an apartment building down by Repulse Bay that has been structured with a giant square cut out of the middle, so if a dragon flys out of the water it will go through the hole and not crash into their building. The buildings around the Bank of China are all boringly square because the bank's multi-angle structure is apparently throwing off such bad vibes it is the only way to deflect them.

I have a client that opened a new office here and they paid big money to have an "expert" come in and gauge the feng shui because they were hiring quite a few locals that insisted. They explained this when I questioned why they had two enormous vacant desks in the corners of the room and their head traders were in the middle of a row of analysts. The "expert" stated that those middle desks were the money seats.

I also work with people that have been refused rental of an apartment because they told the landlord to fit their furniture they would have to put the bed under three windows facing the door. If you have trouble picturing that, it basically sounded like the exact set up of our bedroom back in Fords. Another worker had a local over and when they showed them their daughter's bedroom they immediately started moving the bed and would not leave until they promised not to put it back the way it was (they did leave it this way because of course they figured why take a chance when it came to their child).

I know what you're thinking; trust me I've had the same exact thoughts. How can I get my hands on some of these nut's money? I've asked Lisa with all her free time, creative energy and writing skills to come up with some new thing-ama-jig, but so far nothing. It seems simple enough, just throw together a list of rules that combine:

  • Marketability of a Happy Meal
  • Eastern mysteries of Feng Shui
  • Celebrity appeal of Scientology and Kabahla
  • At least two annual occasions that involve eating and drinking
  • Grave but not clearly defined consequences if you don't follow the rules
On a completely unrelated topic - how about those Giants! There have been exactly 3 Sundays and one Monday I have not worn my Giant's tee shirt this past season. For those of you that have gone to games over the past few years it's the same old grey tee that I always wear.

This season I did not wear it on the Monday night game for Cleavland because I was working. I brought it to the Philippines and Australia and all was good. However when we returned the laundry was backed up and I did not have it for the next two Sunday's (Philly and Dallas). It made a triumphant return against Carolina and was in the wash again last Sunday. I think I'm going to make sure it's clean the next three weeks even if I have to hand wash it.

But I guess I got off the topic of all the crazy local superstitions.

I just want to close out by thanking everyone for all they have done for us over the past year. I know at times it is asking for a lot and we really do appreciate it. And I hope everyone has a great 2009 with plans of visiting the Far East!

Blog ya' later.